


The Once and Future King and his Guardian Angel

by badboybellamy



Series: The many lives of prince Arthur and his magical lover Merlin [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, M/M, Magic Revealed, Minor Violence, Nightmares, Serious Injuries, songfics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-19 01:10:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4727105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badboybellamy/pseuds/badboybellamy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin has had magic all his life and he's been able to keep it a secret for a long time, although he's finding this task quite difficult when the arrogant prince, Arthur Pendragon, is always faced with dangerous situations. Since Merlin arrived in Camelot someone or something has been out to kill his prince. Keeping him safe in order to fulfill their entwined destinies is something Merlin would rather die than fail at. </p><p>Arthur has been a prick to his new servant and rightfully so, considering the boy is such a moron. A cute moron, who has quickly become his most trusted confidant and friend. He has had people betray him time and time again but never Merlin- never his loyal Merlin. The prince's life has changed since Merlin entered it and now that he's known him, he couldn't imagine a life without him. In fact, he's been struggling to realize he would give up his own life for Merlin- a mere servant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where this story is going, but I'm pretty damn excited about it. I want to a slow progression of their relationship that blurs the line between friends and lovers. This first chapter is a little bit of angsty fluff to get the story going, please review and tell me what you think or if you have any ideas. I really do enjoy reading suggestions.
> 
> -Rodrick

_**"Maybe I have been here before I know this room, I've walked this floor. I used to live alone before I knew you. I've seen your flag on the marble arch. Love is not a victory march, It's a cold and it's a broken, Hallelujah. There was a time you let me know what's real and going on below. But now you never show it to me, do you? And remember when I moved in you? The holy dark was moving too, and every breath we drew was Hallelujah. Maybe there's a god above and all I ever learned from love was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you. And it's not a cry you can hear at night, It's not somebody who's seen the light. It's a cold and it's a broken, Hallelujah."** _

_Blue. Blue. Blue. His prince's blue eyes were ice, piercing his soul as if he were the most vile thing in all of Camelot- in all of the world. "You were my friend, Merlin, I trusted you with my life and this- this is how you betray me!"  
_

_"NO!" He shouted out, voice cracking. "I did this for you, Arthur. I've only ever done this for you!" His breath clouding in the frigid winter air. His surroundings became clear to him, his body was tied to a pyre...he was about to die.  
_

_"Silence! I, Arthur Pendragon, judge you guilty of conspiring with enchantments and practicing sorcery. Merlin, I hereby sentence you to death." With his signal the executioner lit the pole that Merlin was tied to on fire. Merlin was now a torch to light the city around him, the city that condemned him to death._

_Merlin's body was now hot, despite the fact that he was just freezing his arse off moments before. The flames licked up the stake and surrounded the platform of sticks and hay beneath him. Closer...they were getting closer...He let out a blood curling scream as his body caught fire. Merlin could feel the prince's and his peoples eyes on him- as he received his punishment, and when he looked back into Arthur's all there was in them was hatred. Hatred for what Merlin had been all along- what Merlin is. The brunette didn't simply practise magic he is magic- is Emrys._

Merlin woke up to Gaius violently shaking his shoulders and calling out his name. "Merlin! Merlin, are you alright? I heard you screaming." With a lot of blinking and rubbing his eyes, Merlin sat up and looked around. He felt dizzy and dazed, scared out of his wits by the dream.

"No...I mean yes. Yes, just a bad dream." The look of disbelief that Gaius gave him almost made him want to laugh- almost. Merlin had goosebumps on his arms and legs, his entire body was shaking. "I have to go...I have to check on Arthur." His voice was hoarse and thick with sleep as he stood up and made his way out of the physician chambers and into the hallway, all the way to Arthur's chambers.

He hesitated outside the doors, his bare feet cold against the stone of the castle floors. He threw caution to the wind and slowly opened them. Upon entering he padded to the foot of the blonde boys bed, and watched him sleep. He looked peaceful and young, so peaceful in fact that disturbing him would be the equivalent of committing a sin.

As if fate were on his side Arthur stirred in his sleep, his eyes fluttering open met the sight of Merlin. Well a very distressed, sweaty, trembling, Merlin dressed in a long cream coloured night shirt that fell down to just above his knees. "Merlin?" He asked, voice low from sleep. "What are you doing here?" He slowly sat up, watching Merlin carefully.

Merlin just shook his head, he opened his mouth to reply but no words came out. He did however make a noise that sounded a lot like a wounded animal. Arthur immediately stood up and made his way to Merlin, holding an arm out to touch the boy. Merlin flinched away from him, the hatred that had burned in Arthur's eyes scolding him more than the flames did.

"Merlin...Merlin...what happened?" Arthur seemed more alert now, his expression showing nothing but concern for his friend. This soothed Merlin's overactive mind, and he allowed himself to tightly wrap himself around Arthur's torso- seeking comfort in his warmth. Arthur, despite his usual distant masculinity, hugged Merlin back. He held onto him for a few moments, before the worry ate away at him and he had to pull away. "Tell me what happened," He said, voice gentle and soft, hands resting on Merlin's shoulders.

Merlin lifted his head so that he was looking down at Arthur instead of hiding in the crook of his neck. "I just...I had a...well a nightmare, sire." He paused, his breath hitching as his throat became tight from being overwhelmed.

"A nightmare?" Arthur questioned, sounding surprised. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Merlin's lip formed a thin hard line, and he slowly shook his head. Arthur nodded, respecting his wishes considering the taller boy was still shaking.

"It's alright, Merlin, you're safe now." Arthur soothed, uncharacteristically taking hold of Merlin's hand and leading him over to his bed. "Here, you can rest here." He instructed, helping a weak Merlin onto his bed. He went to pull the covers over him but was stopped by Merlin who scooted over and made room for Arthur. He obliged, laying down beside Merlin. The brunette was still shaking from the cold and Arthur told himself it was the logical thing to do to pull the boy close to his side (and not just to be close to him). He brushed Merlin's hair back and out of his face, not minding the dampness on his forehead from sweating.

Merlin burrowed into Arthur's bare side, under the covers. "I burn and you drown." The sorcerer said quietly.

"What are you talking about?" Arthur asked him, voice just as soft.

"My dreams- nightmares rather." Merlin explained, resting his head on Arthur's chest and looking up at him. "You execute me and I let you drown, sometimes I hold you under...sometimes I just watch." He let out a soft sigh, closing his eyes. "It doesn't really matter though, does it?"

"What doesn't matter, Merlin?" Arthur asked, attentively rubbing Merlin's back.

Merlin was quiet for such a long time that Arthur assumed he had fallen asleep. "It doesn't matter who dies, we both end up hurting the one we love."

This answer really surprised Arthur, never had they openly discussed their feelings for each other. Their relationship was always evolving and during this process they never talked about their changes-never talked about how they felt about each other. So Merlin outright saying they love each other was rather astonishing, but certainly not unwelcome. "They're just dreams." He assured, running a hand through Merlin's hair. "I would never hurt you."

Merlin actually scoffed at this, but leaned into his soft touches nonetheless. "We all have our breaking points."

"What could possibly break me enough to hurt you?" Arthur asked, like it was the most absurd thing he's ever heard.

And Merlin went quiet, he of course knew the answer. Laying here, in Arthur's arms, close in a way they had never been close before. Arthur only touched him if he was delivering a bruising punch, never had he been gentle with the clumsy boy. This was not something he wanted to lose, and so he remained quiet on the topic of magic. "You can barely stand me as it is, sire." Was what Merlin settled for.

"You are my friend, Merlin." Arthur insisted, as if the statement could clear everything up. "You are my friend," he repeated clearing his throat-"my only friend, and I'd be lost with out you."

Merlin's lips quirked up into a small smile. "Two sides of the same coin," he whispered as if just now  _truly_ realizing how great of a bond they have.

"You're an idiot, Merlin." There was no anger, no amusement, or even irritation in Arthur's voice- just a soft fondness.

Merlin's eyes flickered from Arthur's lips and back up to his eyes. "I know." Merlin's voice was very breathy and his cheeks were dusted pink. "I'm just a bumbling fool."

"Don't forget you're also a clotpole," Arthur said without skipping a beat. Merlin let out a melodic laugh that entranced Arthur, soon he found himself laughing along with his trusty manservant.

"That's my word," Merlin said, but with no conviction. His grin was goofy and to Arthur it was, admittedly, beautiful.

"That's because it suits you." Arthur raised an arm around Merlin and absently played with his messy locks of dark hair. The room fell silent as they just stared at each other, adoration shining in both sets of blue eyes. "You can rest easy now, I am here." Arthur finally said, Merlin looked liked he wanted to protest but Arthur pressed forward. "I'll wake you if start having another nightmare."

Merlin hesitantly nodded. "You promise?" He asked, sounding as small as a scared child.

"Cross my heart." When Arthur swore to wake him up, Merlin felt at ease- or enough at ease to settle down against Arthur. He snuggled into the blonde until he was comfortable enough to close his eyes. After an eternity of watching Merlin the gravely tired boy's breathing slowed down and his body stopped shaking. The brave sorcerer was finally asleep, and at his rightful place by his once and future king.

Arthur made sure Merlin was tucked in, with the blankets covering him completely. He stayed up the rest of the night making sure Merlin was sleeping peacefully and most of all was unafraid.

* * *

The sun streamed through and unto Merlin's face. The bed he lay in was soft and warm, certainly not his own. Slowly he sat up, stretching and yawning, before opening his eyes. The first thing he noticed was the warm red around him, this was Arthur's room. Why was he in Arth- _oh!_

He came into Arthur's room in the early hours of the morning because of a damned nightmare. Arthur must seriously think him of nothing more than a girl. He sluggishly stood up, dragging the blanket with him and letting it fall on the floor. He looked around only to find no sign of Arthur anywhere. On the table there was a set of folded clothes, belonging to Merlin- as well as a note signed by the prince himself. He gingerly picked up the note and began to read it.

**_Dear Merlin,_ **

**_Earlier I sneaked out and got you some of your own clothes. The sight of you walking around in your night clothes, though funny, is very distasteful being as you are indeed my servant. I served myself breakfast in favour of letting you sleep. I do hope you are feeling better in the morning- well rested if anything else._ **

**_Unfortunately, I could not be there for when you wake, my father and I have scheduled a meeting that should take a few hours. Do not bother waiting around for me, simply continue with your chores. I shall see you later tonight._ **

**_Your Friend,_ **

**_Arthur Pendragon_ **

**_P.S. I do not think you're a girl for having nightmares. Everyone gets them from time to time, Merlin, and you shouldn't be ashamed of that._ **

Merlin couldn't help but smile and laugh at Arthur while he got dressed. The blonde certainly knew him very well. Despite the words not being lovey dovey to anyone else they warmed Merlin's heart, Arthur was concerned and most importantly not ashamed that his personal manservant wasn't exactly as masculine as he would like.

Merlin began to tidy up Arthur's chambers; making his bed, cleaning his clothes, and washing the floor. All the while he was happily humming to a song his mum would sing to him as a boy- Arthur's presence seemed to always brighten up Merlin's life.


	2. Your Boldness Stands Alone Among The Wreck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is nothing Arthur would not do for Merlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took forever and I apologise sincerely for that. I do hope you lot enjoy this and it's not /that/ bloody awful.

**_"Weep for yourself, my man, you'll never be what is in your heart. Weep, little lion man, you're not as brave as you were at the start. Rate yourself and rake yourself. Take all the courage you have left and waste it on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head. But it was not your fault but mine and it was your heart on the line. I really fucked it up this time. Didn't I, my dear? Didn't I, my...Tremble for yourself, my man, you know that you have seen this all before. Tremble, little lion man, you'll never settle any of your scores. Your grace is wasted in your face, your boldness stands alone among the wreck. Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck."_ **

"Go get firewood, Merlin. You'll be fine going out on your own, Merlin. It's not even that cold, Merlin." The sorcerer mocked, walking deeper into the woods. Winter had begun and fresh snow littered the ground, this was the perfect time for Arthur to schedule a hunting trip.

Merlin was shivering from the cold and hadn't been paying attention to where he was going, because of this he wound up at a clearing. As he stepped closer he could hear a woman singing. He followed the luring voice, seeing the bare back of an ashen coloured women in a lake, the top layer was frozen over except from the small hole where she stood. The snow crunched under his feet and she turned toward him- his already rosy cheeks turned an even darker shade of red at the sight.

The woman's skin was a pale shade that contrasted well with her long dark vine like curls- curls that were covering the nipples of her rather plump breast. The moon illuminated her well enough that he could see the deep green of her eyes. "I er excuse m-me I wasn't awa-"

"I've been waiting for you." Her voice rang as sweet as her singing, and Merlin couldn't help but step forward.

"How could you know..." Merlin trailed, hand reaching out as he moved closer. He was now knee deep in below freezing waters, his body not registering the temperature of the lake as he looked into the water spirits eyes. She had him absolutely mesmerized, she quickly pressed a kiss on Merlin's chaste lips.

He meant to protest but his body went completely rigid and he found himself unable to move by the kiss. With the women's lips still on his she dragged him further out into the water- at about chin level she removed her lips from his. "You shall sleep now, my sorcerer, forever." She whispered sweetly, still singing to him. Merlin closed his eyes and she began to hum and pull him under the water.

She swam underneath and retreated away from him, ice formed on top of the water in her absence- closing him in. All of a sudden he was filled with panic, he screamed under the water- it filled his mouth and burned his throat. He pounded on the glass in a futile attempt to escape the frigid waters. His lungs burned from the lack of oxygen and his entire body felt numb.

He heard the muffled voice of someone calling out to him, a sword pierced the ice and it broke around him. Arms wrapped around him and pulled him unto the ice as his vision went black and he passed out.

Arthur carried Merlin on the bank of the river, the taller boys body was laying on top of his own. The blonde had a surge of energy from the adrenaline, thus the cold didn't effect him as much as it should have. He gently set Merlin down, and pushed his chest to let the water out of him.

Merlin choked out the water as he laid on the snow, his entire body shivering ferociously. His eyes fluttered open and he struggled to sit up- he began to panic and fight Arthur as he tried to lay him back down.

"Merlin, Merlin, calm down. Calm down, Merlin. It's alright I'm here. It's me, Arthur. I'm here." The blonde soothed, Merlin looked up at him with ghastly pale skin and tear filled blue eyes. Before Arthur's heart could break even further he wrapped his arms around the lanky boy and picked him up bridal style. "I've got to get you back to camp before you freeze to death. Then, we'll see about getting you to Gaius." He explained, quickly bringing Merlin through the dark forest and to their small camp ground.

Unfortunately, the two had gone on the hunting trip alone so no one could help Arthur with Merlin. Once at the small campsite Arthur quickly stripped Merlin out of his wet clothes and put him in dry ones. He tucked Merlin, who had since fallen unconscious, into the tent. He quickly changed his own clothes and started a fire outside of the tent, it was canopied by large trees and so it remained dry.

After he finished this he entered the tent. He laid beside Merlin, wrapping his arms around the bony boy and pulling him close- telling himself Merlin need his body heat and not that he _needed_ to be close to him. He pulled many layers of animal skin blankets over and around the two. In doing this he noticed Merlin was burning up with fever. He pressed the back of his hand to Merlin's forehead and the dark haired boy's eyes fluttered open.

"Arthur-" he croaked out, and nothing had ever sounded as sweet to the prince. Arthur watched as Merlin looked around the tent before looking back at him, his brow furrowed in confusion. "A-are you alright?" He finally asked, making Arthur laugh weakly.

Merlin who had almost frozen to death, Merlin who had almost drowned, Merlin who was very weak and ill, was asking if Arthur was okay. The lack of self preservation that Merlin had infuriated Arthur. "Damnit, Merlin!" He exclaimed.

His words held no bite to them but Merlin winced anyway, the volume of Arthur's angry voice worsening his headache. "M'sorry." Merlin murmured, he closed his eyes tightly and wrinkled his nose. He lifted his suddenly very heavy head and moved it to lay on Arthur's chest. The prince's entire body went stiff at the display of affection but soon he relaxed a little, his arm lifting to run his fingers through Merlin's damp hair.

"It's fine, Merlin. You're going to be fine." Arthur insisted softly, with his assurance Merlin was able to fall back to sleep.

* * *

Once the snow stopped falling Arthur packed up the camp and put Merlin on the horse with him, strapping their supplies to Merlin's horse. He quickly rode back to Camelot- he handed the horses and their stuff off to some servants. He carried Merlin straight to Gaius's chambers.

The older man gasped at the sight of the broken looking boy and instructed Arthur to quickly lay Merlin down on the cot. He rushed to Merlin's bedside and felt his head- the look on his face alarmed Arthur. "What has happened, sire?" He asked Arthur, voice rough and urgent.

"I don't know for sure...he wasn't awake long enough to explain what happened. I found him-Gaius he was trapped under ice in this lake. If I hadn't decided to go after him...he would have surely die-"

"His fever, how long has he had it?" Gaius interrupted.

"Er since I pulled him out and changed his clothes." He answered, watching as Gaius bustled about gathering different herbs and mixing them together into a vile smelling concoction. He held it to Merlin's lips and forced him to drink it.

"That's it, my boy. Very good, Merlin. That's it." He coaxed. Merlin, though unconscious, drank down the disgusting mixture with ease. Gaius quickly made his way to Merlin's room and gathered his blankets, he set them on top of Merlin and tucked him tightly inside.

"What now?" Arthur asked quietly, staring intently at Merlin.

"There is no way to know, sire. We shall see in a few hours how he is doing." Gaius paused in hesitation. "Sire, I must go and fetch some herbs and fresh water, can you stay by his side?"

_Forever,_ Arthur thought to himself but simply nodded- not taking his eyes off the sick boy.

Gaius shuffled out of the chambers and closed the door behind him, leaving the two alone.

Arthur immediately rushed to Merlin's side, pushing his damp with sweat hair back and from his face. Arthur hummed soothingly to Merlin who was struggling in his sleep.

"Arthur...I don't want to... "Merlin mumbled in his sleep, the pain evident on his face. Merlin's body arched up, his jaw clenched, eyes shut tight, and his brows knitted together. "Don't let him kill me."

Arthur had stopped humming and was just sitting there stunned at Merlin's outburst. He grabbed a rag and quickly dipped it in the water basin Gaius had on the table, he rubbed the towel on Merlin's forehead to help with the fever. "Shhh, it's alright. Merlin. It's alright. I'm here. No one's going to harm you, not while I'm here." He soothed, bringing the rag down to cool off Merlin's neck. He kissed the top of Merlin's head and the boy stopped squirming if only for a little bit.

Merlin continued to murmur softly in his sleep, his cheeks flushed pink from the fever. "Will..." Merlin gasped, his voice thick with sorrow and anguish.

Arthur had forgotten so many things- so many people who have died along the way because that was who he was conditioned to be. His father had trained him from a young age to forget those who have died, to honor them and then let their memories die. But not everyone was raised to be a prince, to be a knight, certainly not Merlin. The loss of his childhood friend must be a heavy burden on the boys heart- Arthur had not asked about Merlin's emotional state after they left the small village. Hearing how hurt Merlin sounded now made Arthur regret this- even if the deceased man was a sorcerer.

Fresh tears slid down Merlin's flushed cheeks, as Arthur began to wipe them away the door opened and Gaius shuffled in. "How is he, sire?" Gaius asked walking over to them, his worry deepening as he looked from Arthur to the very pained expression on Merlin's face.

"He keeps talking in his sleep. He says someone is trying to kill him. He talks of Will. He is hurting Gaius, and greatly so." Arthur explained, turning from Merlin to watch Gaius bustle about the room.

Gaius gather bottles of herbs and a bucket of fresh water on the table, mixing them together quickly. After a long moment of silence Gaius sighed deeply. "Merlin once told me about a harsh winter in Ealdor. When he was a young boy he had grown very ill from the cold and weak from no food, William, fed him his own food. Merlin told me he was so gravely ill that he was on the brink of death, but William held his hand and reassured him the whole time. Merlin swears the only reason he ever survived was because of William. William, was all he ever had growing up it is no doubt Merlin would call out to him in a time of need."

"I didn't know that." Arthur said weakly, by now he was clasping Merlin's hand in both of his.

"Well sire, there are a lot of things you do not know about Merlin." Gaius said, slowly giving Merlin the disgusting mix he had just made.

"Will you tell me, Gaius? The things I don't know?" Arthur asked him, almost pitifully.

The older man gave him a small- almost forced smile. "Ask Merlin when he gets better." The room fell heavy with silence again.

"What did you give him?" The prince asked, referring back to the medicine Gaius had just given Merlin.

Gaius wet the rag the, wrung it out, and began to wipe up Merlin's sweat. "It's to bring down the fever, relax his body and rid him of the pain he is in. Do you know what attacked him?"

Attacked him? Arthur hadn't thought about Merlin being attacked before this, though it made sense now. Merlin wouldn't willingly go into ice cold waters. He wasn't a total idiot despite what Arthur consistently tells him. He shook his head slightly. "No, I have no idea. It's like I told you, I found him right before it was too late. Gaius, you must save him!" Arthur urged, sounding desperate.

The physician looked taken aback for a moment. "I am doing everything I can, sire. Perhaps it would be best if you went to your chambers and rested for a while." Gaius suggested calmly, watching the prince carefully for a reaction.

"I am not leaving him." Arthur replied almost instantly, voice authoritative. Gaius looked ready to argue but before he could Arthur spoke again. "Nothing could make me leave his side, not even to rest."

Gaius nodded, his expression softening. "As you wish. I will retire to Merlin's chambers for the night, alert me if his condition changes." He reasoned, giving the two privacy being as there was nothing more he could do to help Merlin.

"Of course." Arthur assured, nodding his head and watching as the older man went into Merlin's room and closed the door behind him. The prince sighed heavily, and leaned back in the chair that was beside Merlin's cot. It wasn't until Gaius's absence did he realize how tired he really was. Despite this he held Merlin's hand in his own, rubbing his thumb over the top of his cold hand.

Merlin whimpered quietly in his sleep, turning his head and wincing every now and then. Arthur simply used his free hand to run through Merlin's dark locks, soothing him gently. "Shhhh, Merlin, shhhhh." He comforted, sitting back up in the chair and leaning forward. "You can rest now, you are safe. Nothing can harm you, not while I am here." His words felt bitter on his tongue and heavy on his heart, they felt like a lie. He could tell Merlin that he would protect him until he was blue in the face but it wouldn't change the fact that Merlin had been hurt because Arthur told him to go get goddamn firewood.

The blonde rested his head on the cot beside their hands, tears slowly sliding down his cheeks. He whispered how sorry he was into the early hours of the morning until he finally fell into a restless sleep.

* * *

His head was pounding and he didn't think he could open his eyes his lids felt so heavy. His hair was damp and so it stuck to his forehead. He felt something in his own hand and slowly raised his head to try and sit up to see what it was. His entire body felt uncomfortably weak, it crumbled under his weight making him fall back against the bed. Slowly he opened his eyes, the room was dimly lit around him.

The first thing he noticed was a familiar fuzzy blonde head of hair and Arthur's hand holding his own lightly. Arthur's free hand was reaching up by Merlin's hair, as if he had been playing with it before falling asleep. A fond smile graced Merlin's lips, though he felt incredibly ill he was very grateful he hadn't woken up alone. Being alone was one of his greatest fears, along with Arthur finding out about his _talents_ of course.

His smile crumbled instantly as his head throbbed, images flashed through out his mind. The water spirit luring him to the water, the impact the water had on him, the way she kissed him and how her lips felt scaly, being taken under and submerged by the water, how his lungs burned, the fear he felt when he realised he was going to die alone, and finally blacking out.

He hadn't registered the tears or the animalistic cries of pain he had been making until he felt a hand gently touch his cheek. "It's alright, love." Arthur said, he was trying to calm Merlin but his voice was more urgent and concerned rather than soothing. Arthur leaned over in his chair till he was in Merlin's line of vision, being able to see Arthur calmed Merlin slightly.

"What happened?" Merlin asked hoarsely, despite knowing himself.

Arthur paused, his lips pressing in a thin hard line. "I don't know...I just found you under the ice. I didn't know what to do I just...I just reacted." He explained, struggling to find the right words. "Do you remember anything?"

Merlin went silent for a while, looking down at their entwined hands. "She pulled me under." He said softly, sounding as if he were in a daze. His eyes were glassy and his face scrunched in confusion.

"Who, Merlin?" Arthur asked patiently. "Do you know her? Where she may be found? I'll alert the guards right away." When the prince stood up and turned from the bed Merlin tugged weakly at his hand, making him turn back around to face Merlin.

"Don't go," Merlin forced a small tight smile though he was still a ghostly shade of white.

"Forever." Arthur replied quietly, his features softening as Merlin held his hand a little tighter. He sat back down, scooting the chair closer to the cot. Merlin could feel his warmth and relaxed slightly. "Tell me what happened." He urged gently.

Merlin did his best to sit up, Arthur moved to lay him back down but Merlin simply glared and sat up on the cot. "I heard her singing and then I saw this woman and she was beautiful- no enchanting. She enchanted me." He said, sure of himself. "She called to me, said she was waiting for me but I didn't know..." He trailed off, only to shake his head and furrow his brow. Arthur squeezed his hand gently, reassuring and encouraging him to continue. "I didn't feel the cold,or at least I don't think I did. I think I was just numb. And then...then she kissed me and I couldn't move. She pulled me under and swam away. The ice formed over me and I couldn't get out. I thought that...I didn't-"

"Thought what?" Arthur asked gingerly, wanting Merlin to let everything go.

"I always knew that I was going to die alone...I really thought that was it."

"You won't." Arthur said earnestly. "I won't let you." Merlin's eyes were downcast and the room fell completely silent. "Do you miss him? Your friend, Will?" Arthur finally asked after minutes of heavy silence. Merlin's head snapped up as he focused on Arthur, searching him intently for answers. "You were talking in your sleep...you called for him."

More silence. "What do you care? He was a sorcerer after all." The bite in Harry's words made Arthur want to flinch- he resisted.

"I care because you're upset. He was your friend, Merlin. Just as you are my friend. I couldn't lose you and be the same." Arthur confessed, countering Merlin's bitterness with vulnerability.

Merlin was quiet for a little bit before he nodded solemnly. "You're right, I'm not the same. He was my friend and he died...he died saving you when he didn't even want to fight to begin with." Merlin grumbled, voice wavering slightly.

Arthur thought this over for a bit before he gave Merlin a small-forced smile. "I am truly sorry for your loss." Arthur had never apologized for Will's death up until now, it felt good to hear him say so.

_No man is worth your tears._ Arthur had told him this once and he'd never been able to forget it. Will was worth his tears, Arthur was worth his tears, Gaius was worth his tears, his father had been worth his tears. "It's not your fault, I know that. I just...I miss him, Arthur. All my life he is all I've ever known and now he's gone. Do you know what that's like?"

Arthur averted his eyes from him and nodded slowly. He had become accustomed to losing friends, especially on the battlefield. He had lost brothers since he had turned fifteen and Uther deemed him ready to fight for Camelot. At first it hurt, he would become angry and break things, even cry for those who suffered greatly. But as time grew on and he became surrounded by death he went almost numb to it. It was almost funny to him, from the time he was born he had caused pain- the death of his mother. And now, now he had other men fighting by his side dying for him and for Camelot. Each death ripping a whole in his heart until he had nothing left to take.

"You should rest." Arthur finally said, looking up at Merlin with glassy eyes.

But the sorcerer simply shook his head. "I don't want to." He muttered, sounding rather pathetic as he gripped Arthur's hand.

The prince's face went soft and kind as he looked down at Merlin. He knelt down, and gently made Merlin lay back down. He cupped Merlin's cheek and kissed the top of his head, his lips lingering for a few seconds before he pulled away. "I'll be here with you the whole time." He swore, giving him a charming reassuring smile. "You shall never be alone."

But Merlin was alone, he'd always been alone, no one understood his magic, no one would accept it, therefor he would die alone. He'd be lying to Arthur all these years, there was no way he could ever be himself in front of Arthur- not his true magical self. This didn't change the way Merlin felt towards Arthur and it never would. Arthur could hate him for his magic, could burn him even, and Merlin would still willingly give his life for his king. "Never alone." He murmured sleepily, closing his eyes and snuggling into the hard cot.

Arthur tucked Merlin in with the thin blanket, still holding his hand because it had proven to calm both of their nerves. He watched Merlin sleep until Gaius woke up to tend to him- after all Arthur did have to preform his duty's as the crown prince of Camelot. He hated having to be away from the ill boy for the remainder of the day but he was relieved to know he was in good hands.

As Arthur walked up the stairs to meet with his father he thought fat too deeply on what would have happened had he not found Merlin in time. Merlin had become as essential to Arthur as the air he needed to breathe. Arthur would be absolutely lost without him, in fact he was convinced he'd die without Merlin. Dying seemed better than living without the kind, innocent, loyal, sweet, pure, clumsy Merlin- than living without _his_ Merlin. With Merlin always being around Arthur had become to take him for granted, thinking he would always be as loyal as ever by his side for all eternity. He had never thought about the boy dying,he had never wanted to, but now that it was a real possibility (nightmare really) he began to realize how deep his feelings ran for the fuzzy haired boy. No one- not even his father- could keep him away from his sweet Merlin. _His Merlin._


End file.
